The Laundry List 

• We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
• We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
• We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
• We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
• We live life from the viewpoint of victims, and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
• We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
• We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
• We became addicted to excitement. We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
• We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much. (Denial).
• We judge ourselves harshly and have a shallow sense of self-esteem.
• We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
• Alcoholism is a family disease; we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
• Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

Tony A., 1978

The Promises

(For people who are open to the work and attend weekly)

1. 1. We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.
   2. Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval daily.
   3. Fear of authority figures and the need to “people-please” will leave us.
   4. Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.
   5. As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.
   6. We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
   7. We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.
   8. We will choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.
   9. Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.
   10. Fears of failure and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.
   11. With help from our support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviours.
   12. Gradually, with our Higher Power help, we will learn to expect the best and get it.